The almost-relationship is sadly very common and very normal these days.

Relationships are an important aspect of our lives and can determine our happiness. If you don’t define a romantic relationship, it is easy to get stuck in an almost relationship. The long frequent phone calls and texts, the daydreaming, and the giddiness can go on for a while until you stop in your tracks and realize that it isn’t going past that stage, the almost relationship stage. You can have something special with someone, a deep connection, or something more significant than a crush, a ‘situationship,’ but the relationship isn’t progressing.

Well, you are not the only one here! So many people are in almost relationships, and just like you, they are trying to figure out what it is.


What is an almost relationship?

An almost relationship occurs when you meet someone who you start to feel strongly about. You end up dating, but only that. You never follow through with an actual relationship, and you have no idea whether that offer will ever be on the table. Sure, you can be proactive about it and ask where things are going, but everyone knows that it is the kiss of death if asked at the wrong time. If your almost-lover believes a definition of your relationship is the kiss of death, they’re more likely to feel pessimistic about committing. That’s the time when you find yourself in an almost relationship: when either you or your partner find yourself unwilling to commit. An almost relationship is precisely what it looks and sounds like.

You’re in an “almost relationship.” It’s that limbo between yes and no, that gray “no labels” area that you initially thought was just a fine place to be in. Those involved in almost relationships never talk about their status, often out of the aversion of having something defined or out of fear of scaring the other party away.

Almost everyone has had a brush with an almost relationship, and while the highs can be kilig-inducing, the lows can be very frustrating. At some point you’ll want more, especially when you’re starting to develop deeper feelings for the other person. Let’s face it—you can’t be uncertain forever. The world will keep on turning, and you can’t have this aspect of your life indefinitely stagnate. If you wish to put your foot down, here are a few things you can do:

Talk about it in person

You will need to sit down and define the lines. At this point in your life, it’s a bit pointless to spend time and invest emotions in something that doesn’t even have a label. Even those who are in an open relationship know that they’re in one—every one deserves a solid answer. If your talk goes better than expected and you’re both game to take it a step further, then good for you! If not, then now have your closure. It will hurt, but at least you can move on with no regrets.

Set boundaries

Do this for yourself. Set the ground rules for you and him to be able to move on from your almost something relationship, and that includes not contacting each other for a while if needed. Remember that you did have something even without the labels: go your separate ways and take time to heal from a legit breakup.

Get him out of your system

This is the hard part. Being in an almost relationship can be addicting because there are no ties that bind you to anything, but you can still be vaguely malambing to each other. If you’ve been in it for quite some time, spending time with him may already be a habit, and it’s going to be tough to break. If you can, delete his number from your phone. Unfollow or unfriend him on social media. Don’t orbit. Do other things to occupy you, maybe a new sport or hobby. Travel. In short, go on an almost-boyfriend detox, and learn to appreciate your solitude.

Meet new peope

But don’t do this just to date. Do it to expand your circle. Gaining new friends and learning from them is a reward in itself. It’s possible that you’ll find someone new, but just treat it as an added bonus if you do.

Love yourself

It can sound as a cliché, but in the midst of your heartbreak, it’s important to remember that you should learn to love yourself first. Sometimes, affirming it can be as simple as taking a bath after two days of wallowing in self-pity. The more you do things to take care of yourself, the more you’ll find that you’re actually getting better, until one morning you’ll just realize that you’re over your almost relationship, and you’re more than ready to begin a new chapter in your life.