If you’re considering an open relationship, I strongly recommend you take some time to learn about the various aspects of the lifestyle.  Doing research before taking action will better equip you and your partner for the road ahead.  Keep in mind, people choose ethical non-monogamy for a variety of reasons.  Having an understanding of the pros and cons and seeing how they align with what you are desiring for your relationship can be incredibly helpful.

Basically, if you’re in an open relationship, you’re okay with you and your partner having other love interests. Other than that, the rest of the “rules” are up to you and your partner. In a psychological study conducted by the University of Guelph, author Jessica Wood pointed out, “We found people in consensual, non-monogamous relationships experience the same levels of relationship satisfaction, psychological well-being and sexual satisfaction as those in monogamous relationships.”

It’s very difficult to establish a percentage of how many open relationships work because we don’t have enough data. A whole lot of couples in true open relationships don’t come forward to talk about their equation because of societal stigma. But some research and surveys conducted in the US and Canada show that about 4 per cent of the total 2000 couples surveyed are in open relationships or consensual non-monogamy (CNM) as it is also called.

PROS of an open relationship

All relationships are different, but the one thing that defines them is whether or not both parties are exclusively seeing each other or not. The whole point of being in a relationship is to enjoy yourself and your partner in whatever context works for you. If you both feel like your relationship would do better if you open it up, go for it.

The only way an open relationship will work is if you’re both totally honest with each other.

Like a monogamous relationship, you’ll discuss what you’re both comfortable with when you define the relationship. People who don’t really understand the concept of open relationships may make you feel like you’re just getting permission to cheat on your partner, but here’s why they’re wrong: Open relationships grant both of you the freedom to pursue other people in a way that’s based on mutual respect, open communication, and total honesty. In other words, you fully trust each other.

No doubt, communication is the biggest area of focus for anyone practicing ethical non-monogamy.

Why? In order for any kind of relationship to work, we need to have the necessary skills to be able to express ourselves and hold space for others to do the same.  So often, couples find themselves in a routine of behavior or a pattern in their communication.  They get lost in this dynamic and lose touch with what’s important to them.

No matter how many or few partners you have, you’ll need to be able to make time for all of them. Regardless of whether you’re going out for a long and leisurely dinner or just heading to their apartment for a quick hookup, you will probably need to keep a few nights open every week. Just like any other relationship, an open one requires time and effort.

Open relationships

Open relationships can work

But like any good relationship, whether it’s consensually non-monogamous or monogamous, you need to have good connection and communication, said sexologist Jacqueline Hellyer.

It’s the complete opposite of cheating. Cheating is about non-consensuality, so what we’re talking about here is having a very conscious relationship where part of that consciousness is that you’d like to be open in some way.

CONS of an open relationship

Feelings and emotions are a natural part of being human.

All feelings come and go.  That’s the nature of their game.  Anyone considering an open relationship must realize that there is no way to avoid unpleasant emotions just as there is no way to hold on to positive emotions.  Being aware of this upfront can be incredibly helpful.  With this awareness, we can begin to practice acceptance of our feelings and find healthy ways to deal with them.

There are only so many hours in a day.  Add work, family, and relationship needs to the mix, and the day is practically over.  There’s just not enough time to do everything we want to do, let alone add another person or two to the mix!   Making plans and developing relationships outside the primary relationship can be challenging.

One of the bad sides of open relationships is, indeed, money.

You will definitely spend more. Unless you’re rich or always the one on the receiving end of things, your wallet is going to feel the pressure of having more than one ongoing relationship.

And no matter how much you remind yourself that you’re in an open relationship, if you really care for someone jealousy is bound to creep in at some point. You might not act on it, but you still feel it.