If you’ve made the decision to invite a third person into your sexual relations with your steady partner, you might think the hardest part is over. However, you must now figure out how to make sure everyone laughs, orgasms, and thoroughly enjoys themselves. This — figuring out how to have a sexy, romantic, drama-free threesome — is actually the hardest part once you’ve decided your relationship can handle a threesome.

Here are some tips that’ll help you have the threesome of your dreams

threesome

Choosing the right threesome partner is essential

There are different challenges to consider depending on whether you want to include strangers, acquaintances, or close friends. Including a stranger in a threesome requires a more stringent vetting process to ensure chemistry and safety. On the other hand, if you involve a friend, you run the risk of complicating that friendship.

Be clear about your desires, and acknowledge any potential emotional risks. With the right partners and clear communication, a good threesome can be a way to explore your sexuality, reignite a connection with your long-term partner, and experience new forms of pleasure.

Put safety first

There are safety measures to consider. First up: Birth control. You should talk about birth control with your partner and your guest star before the big event. Make sure that if your boyfriend is wearing a condom he does not double-dip.

Check that everyone involved has a clean bill of health and establish in advance with your partner whether there will be any exchanging of bodily fluids. Limiting drugs and alcohol prevent things from getting out of control and makes it easier for everyone to keep their agreements.

Make sure everyone’s comfortable with each other and excited

If you are going to do a threesome, it is best that everyone is connecting with both partners somewhat equally, and everyone is into doing it, and one person doesn’t feel guilted or coerced into it. Be sure to discuss expectations, boundaries, and protocol with the newcomer, too. They also have the right to bow out if they feel uncomfortable at any point. You all need to be on the same page in order for everyone to feel respected and have a good time.

Set boundaries and stick to them

As with sex parties, it’s important that you discuss and create boundaries between you, your partner, and the third before the actual sex. Once the sex starts, you might be so turned on that you’ll want to toss those rules out the window, but creating boundaries and sticking to them will prevent post-threesome regret.

If you’re in a relationship, you and your partner need to be able to talk openly about what each of you want, what each of you are looking for, and what would make you each feel uncomfortable in the threesome. And if you’re single, apply the same exercise to yourself, carefully considering your boundaries, so you know you’ll be able to clearly communicate them with the other two people.

Pick a safety word

The moment one person becomes uncomfortable, they should have the right to end the threesome, no questions asked. One way to do this is by creating a safety word with your boyfriend. This is something that either of you can say that indicates that you’re no longer feeling comfortable with the situation. Discuss in advance that this may be a real possibility that neither partner can roll their eyes at.

Control your jealousy

For better or worse, having a threesome with your partner is going to teach you a lot about how you experience sexual jealousy. Maybe you’ll be fine with it, but if the jealousy becomes too much, use your right to politely tell the others involved that you’re not feeling it. One of the best ways to control jealousy is to remember that this is a group experience to enhance your sex life, and focus on your partner’s pleasure as well as your own.

Another important tactic in preventing jealousy is entering into a threesome only if you’re in a solid relationship. This is why taking steps to make sure your relationship can handle one before diving in is crucial. And again, communication is your best tool before and during the act.

Focus on pleasing everyone

Three Musketeers-level threesomes do happen, but they require concentration. “A threesome is successful if everyone is deeply engaged in what’s going on at the moment, open minded to trying different things, and not just fixating on one partner more than the other — unless that’s the dynamic that everyone is cool with, since it can be super hot sometimes when two partners decide to fixate to pleasure and take care of one. If you don’t make a conscious effort to attend to all three parties, resentments can form.