Sometimes it’s easy to know when to dump someone. If you’re getting treated badly, being constantly ignored, cheated on, or experiencing any other combination of toxic relationship, you need to leave.

But many times, breaking up is not such a clear-cut decision. Maybe things just aren’t clicking. Maybe the arguments don’t seem to be going anywhere. Maybe you’ve run into some compatibility issues that aren’t terrible, but you’re not sure you can live with.

The goal is to try to preserve what was good about that relationship rather than focus on all of the horrible things. When we end relationships, sometimes the negative things override all of the positive memories that we have, especially if things end badly through a lot of arguing or more extreme behavior like cheating or accusations.

Break-up a relationship isn’t easy for either person. But if you’re the one doing the dumping, there are a few things you can do to make the experience less painful for both you and your partner.

Here is the best way to break-up a relationship with somebody without pain

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Be Honest

Be honest with your partner about your feelings. For example, if you don’t like how they treat you, tell them how it makes you feel. Be direct and let them know that you would prefer to be treated better. Being honest will also ensure that you are not using a person to your advantage during a difficult time in your life.

Make the other party the first to know

Never tell your friends that you are planning to end your relationship. And with this, don’t let your partner to learn this fact from others first. This breakup is only your business.

Don’t Play Mind Games

Don’t use your relationship to control or manipulate the other person. It is especially true if you want to break-up the relationship because your partner isn’t treating you right. It is not fair to take advantage of someone who cares about you simply because they have been nice to you. You can’t use someone for your own selfish needs without them knowing that you are doing it.

Always Do It in Person

Unless they did something totally out of line like scalp your cat (or leave you tones of tearful voicemails in one night), and if you have any respect for them at all, then always do it in person. Yeah, it’s harder. And if possible, don’t do it in public. Being in public makes people feel limited in what they can express, whether it be final words they’d like to say to you, or dishes they’d like to break.

Don’t Make It Sudden

One surefire way to make bad news worse is for it to come completely out of the blue. When someone can see the warning signs, a breakup probably seem as painful as when it’s completely unexpected. Your instinct might be to try to pretend everything’s fine until the last possible moment, but that’s unwise. In order to break-up a relationship without pain, don’t make it sudden. Especially if this is a serious relationship, even though it’s likely coming to an end, this person who you once cared so much for deserves some notice that you are unhappy, as well as the opportunity to try to change.

Don’t Be Too Nice or Vague

Similarly, you might want to soften the blow by lying or hiding the reasons for the breakup, your real feelings, or some other thing. Don’t dangle the possibility of getting back together, or calling it ‘a break. Make it crystal clear by using simple, definitive language. Phrases like, ‘This has to end today’ or ‘We have to end our relationship’ aren’t harsh. They’re bracing in their clarity. It hurts, yes, but you’re giving the other person the gift of clarity — and doing it without casting blame. It’s much crueler to tell someone what’s wrong with them, and how maybe down the road you can get back together. To BREAKUP a relationship without pain don’t say those things, even if those things are true.

Don’t Be Cruel

The flip-side is that you can also deeply scar the other person by pointing out what you perceive as their flaws, failings and shortcomings. When explaining why things didn’t work out, you should avoid putting the blame on them. As for choosing the right words, look for that sweet spot that combines truth and gentleness. Share why you’re no longer happy and satisfied and you want to break-up the relationship. Take shared responsibility for problems or issues you’ve had. And avoid casting blame.

Don’t Jump Into a Rebound Relationship

One last thing? Don’t compound the hurt that your ex is experiencing after the breakup by jumping right back into dating mode — whether that’s finding yourself in a new relationship a week later or simply downloading Tinder as soon as the breakup conversation has ended.