The swinger lifestyle has long been a subject of taboo. Despite that, everyone is curious about it, whether they admit it or not! For sure, swinging isn’t for everyone but for those who are keen to try, a soft swap could be a good first step to test out the waters.

Perhaps the reason why swinging is often whispered about is because we don’t really understand it. Those who swing regularly are often part of a community of like-minded people who engage in their own type of fun. As long as it’s consensual and everyone’s having a great time, there’s no place for judgment.

Of course, raising the idea of swinging with your partner can be nerve-wracking, especially if you’ve never talked about it as a couple before. First things first, what is swinging?

If you’re not aware, the swinging lifestyle involves couples who engage in sexual activity with other couples. In some cases, they invite a single person into their bed, known as a unicorn. There are no romantic feelings involved with swinging and there are boundaries in place for each couple.

For instance, a couple may agree that they can both have sex with another couple but no kissing can take place, because it seems too intimate. It may be that the couple don’t engage in penetrative sex with other couples, but they engage in other activities instead. Swinging as a couple can take any form you want it to take but it has to be consensual on all levels and both partners need to be onboard and comfortable with everything that is happening.

Couples often use swinging websites to find other couples, attend invite-only parties, or find other likeminded couples via word of mouth. Safety has to come into consideration, of course, which is why many couples stick to official sites.

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So, what is a soft swap?

It is a milder form of swinging compared to a “full swap” where two or more couples exchange partners and have full sexual intercourse with them. Soft swapping involves flirting, kissing, touching, and oral sex at the most, but absolutely no sexual intercourse.

Soft swapping is considered to be the gateway to serious swinging. First timers often do a soft swap initially to measure their comfort level in swinging, and check if they can push their boundaries further. As a result, a soft swap often makes or breaks your swinging lifestyle. Many couples also use it to work out whether this is something they want to embark on further. If after trying this softer version one partner doesn’t want to go further, the idea of swinging is cancelled.

Soft swap is a term used by individuals who are into the swinger lifestyle or partner swapping to refer to sexual activities in swinger play that do not include penetrative sex. Soft swap swingers have a range of different limits, although penetrative sex is the most common. For instance, some may only want to have sex in the same room as other swingers. Others may be open to a range of activities, including kissing, fondling, oral sex and analingus with other swingers, or they may limit their interactions to just a few. The opposite of it is full swap.

Couples may prefer soft swapping when they are newer to the swing lifestyle because it imposes a limit on the play involved. However, setting penetrative sex as a limit also perpetuates the idea that penis-in-vagina sex is “real” sex, while other types of play are somehow less pleasurable, connective or serious.

Moving to full swinging

The natural next step after a soft swap is to consider whether you want to move into the full swinging lifestyle or not. For some couples, just one soft swap is enough to show them that they don’t want to take things further. If that’s the case for you, that’s fine. Swinging isn’t for everyone and you’ve satisfied your curiosity by giving it a try. It’s vital that you sit down as a couple after the event and have a debrief.

It’s also essential that you’re honest with one another. It could be that one partner loved the experience but the other wasn’t so keen. Don’t pretend you enjoyed it if you didn’t. If one partner doesn’t want to try it again then you have to respect their wishes – remember that your relationship is far more important at the end of the day.

Your discussion will iron out any problems and help you both to decide what you think about taking things further. Either way, you’ve tried something new!  If you play your cards right, you might get the most intense and sexiest experience of your relationship.