These are the problems that women worry about in sex
At its best, sex shouldn’t be about problems. It should be about feeling free, letting go of worries and just living in the moment with someone you are attracted to.
However, that isn’t always how it works out and problems may arise along the way. Whether you’re thinking about how your body appears or feeling under pressure to orgasm, there’s very often a narrative running through our heads that can distract us from the main event — and that’s not to mention all the other things that niggle us. In a perfect world, our thoughts during partnered sex would be about the sex we’re having — or at least about things that turn us on.
We’d be present, focused, and enjoying ourselves and our partners. In the real world, though, our minds sometimes wander during sex, often to totally unrelated or anxiety-inducing places. Research suggests it’s not uncommon for women to worry about their body or appearance during the act and letting everything go and just enjoying the moment can be easier said than done.
Confidence niggles are normal, but a poor body image has a direct effect on our ability to enjoy sex. A huge number of studies have shown body-conscious women are more timid, less likely to initiate sex, try new positions or talk about their needs than women who are content with their bodies. The truth is, men don’t look at it, during sex they only think ‘Let me get my hands on that.”
How you feel about sex and how you feel about your body is one of the bigest problems and has a major effect on whether you feel like having sex. Feelings of guilt, insecurity, or some idea that you should look like a model, for instance, can make you feel like quitting before you even begin. If you don’t feel sexy, you’re not going to feel like having sex.
Try making a conscious effort to focus on the things you like about your body instead of the parts you’re not so happy about. It can also be helpful to remember that sex is healthy and natural, and having it is a great way to bond with your partner and release tension and stress.
A lot of us settle for second-rate sex because we don’t know how to communicate what turns us on and what doesn’t.
These problems actually start at the very beginning of a relationship. You’re both so enamoured with each other, you don’t want to cause upset by pointing out what doesn’t work for you.
So, it’s hard to say ‘That thing you do that I’ve been pretending I liked at the beginning, I’m not so into it now.’
If that does happen, protect your partner’s ego by saying ‘Can we try this instead?’ Always be as tactful as possible. And as a general rule when asking for things in bed, always ask for what you want more of, not what you want less of.
Climax doesn’t always have to be the ultimate sexual goal. Most men find it pretty easy to orgasm, and can manage it every time they have intercourse. But unfortunately for women, this can be a problem as the female response isn’t quite as automatic. Lots of aspects effect our ability to reach the big O, from the mood we’re in or how energetic we’re feeling to the amount we’ve had to drink.
But a big problem is that we’ve known for years than 75% of women don’t orgasm from penetration alone, and yet we still insist on continuing this myth that women have orgasms at the same time men do. It puts tremendous stress on women if it doesn’t happen.
If this problems sounds familiar, it’s unlikely to happen without a little help. First steps first, if you’re not doing it already, start masturbating and pay attention when you do. Learn exactly what you’re doing with your fingers to make that climax happen and ask your partner to do the same.
In an ideal world, we’d fall for someone with the same sex drive as us. But this can be incredibly hard to predict at the beginning; when you’re in the honeymoon period, your sex drive is falsely boosted. Women’s levels of desire have been shown to gradually decrease over time in committed relationships. If your sex routine is getting a little stale, getting yourself in the mood can be tricky.
To avoid this problem we recommend talking openly to your partner about your sexual needs and trying new things can help ease some of your worries. When you try to reach a solution together, you may draw closer as a couple and improve your sexual relationship.