Is he liking it? Am I doing something wrong? Forget about silly questions. Men don’t moan during sex and it’s time you know why.

I’m sure that at some get-together with friends, the ones where we all gather and it’s all about rounds of beers or glasses of wine, this subject has come up more than once: don’t men moan in bed or is it just me? “My boyfriend doesn’t moan during sex. He doesn’t say anything, he just finishes. It makes me feel weird. Should I talk to him? It makes me feel like I’m not giving him pleasure and that he doesn’t like what we’re doing”.

Can you relate? The obvious answer to this is communication. Especially if we are talking about a stable medium or long term relationship. Some men and women are naturally silent when they have sex, but the clear solution to that is to always talk to them and tell them how it makes you feel.

Although silence could mean that your sexual partner is not having a good time, this is not entirely true. In fact, some experts say it doesn’t really mean anything in itself. The meaning is subjective from person to person. Some men verbally affirm their pleasure, and others are silent and focused on what they feel. Therefore whether they moan or not, is not good or bad in itself, it is just a preference.

A research conducted in 2011 in the journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour revealed that women are often the ones who scream in bed. It was also labeled as “female copulatory vocalisations”. This was done when their sexual partner climaxed and after their orgasm. The study found that 87% of women made loud noises to help boost their male sex partner’s self-esteem and 66% of them did it to help him reach orgasm faster.

But why exactly do some men feel strange about expressing their own moans? Is it a case of fragile masculinity? Do some heterosexual men think that moaning for pleasure is exclusive to women? Isn’t our self-esteem just as important? Or… could sex be really bad in this case? Why the hell don’t they moan like we do?

There are many conversations about this on Twitter and everyone can draw their own conclusions about why men don’t moan during sex.

moan during sex

The best Twitter answers:

“No offence, we’ve been masturbating in silence for years.”

This is one of the most revealing answers on the web, but it’s also accurate that there is some truth on it. Several men started masturbating at a very young age and had to find a safe space for several minutes to do it without getting caught. 

It is fair to say that they probably trained themselves to be silent without realising it so that no one else could hear what they were doing, and later on carried that behaviour into the bedroom. Nothing beyond that. Clear and concise answer. Simple.

“Either we’re bored and thinking about the next shag, or we’re concentrating on our chakra levels because the atmosphere is too hot….”

“I only grunt when I’m playing the boss! I don’t even know what I do when I’m playing the boss anyway….”

After reading all this, do you want some advice? for once, just be mean and reciprocate the same silence, then observe what happens!

It’s all just a game in the end, but like the answer to the original dilemma, communicating and letting your partner know what you appreciate during sex is the key.

And there are other ways to avoid silence… Asking sexual questions, where they have to give an answer is a… yes, dirty talk about sex. This also spices up your sex life, allowing you to try something new and fun.