Are we not embarrassed to have such sounds coming out of our mouths? The link between such noises and pain is longstanding: According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a moan is “a long, low sound made by a person expressing physical or mental suffering or sexual pleasure”; and to scream is “to make a loud high cry because you are hurt, frightened, or excited.” How can such sounds be part of fun, enjoyable sex?

First of all, let’s start by saying that moaning is a way of reassuring your lover that he or she is pleasing you. You use all of your senses to have sex, and your audial senses should not be ignored! It’s important to make noises of pleasure so your partner isn’t put off thinking the wrong thing by silence.

A major benefit of sexual noises is that—if genuine—they demonstrate that the partner is not indifferent; in this sense, any noise is better than complete silence. These sounds serve as a type of communication, even though it wasn’t the original intention.. they have been adapted into a form of communication between partners. When a woman exhibits them, for example, they inform her partner about her level of pleasure and enjoyment.

But is it true that men scream less than women in bed? And why?

In 2011, Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds published their research on the topic -technically known as “copulatory vocalization”- in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. In the study, they asked 71 sexually active women between ages 18 and 48 for details about scream during sex. The researchers found that many of the women did make noise but not necessarily while they were having an orgasm. Instead, 66% said that they moaned to speed up their partner’s climax, and 87% stated that they vocalized during sex to boost his self-esteem. Women also reported making noise to relieve boredom, fatigue and pain/discomfort during sex.

Scream

On average, women make 45 sounds per minute when they are having penile-vaginal sex and 48 sounds per minute when having penile-anal sex. Among lesbian pairs, clitoral-oral stimulation is accompanied by significantly fewer vocal noises — 34 per minute. When the researchers asked the women more directly “what percentage of the time do you make noise during sex, even when you are not going to have an orgasm?,” 80 percent of women said they did so at least half the time.

What’s interesting is that ‘noise’ translates to ‘good’, whether as a sign of release, or awareness of pleasure, real, hurried or otherwise.

People are constantly bombarded with images through mainstream media that teach us moaning is associated with orgasm and sexual pleasure. So it would be a wise faking strategy to moan since men already tend to associate moaning with orgasm. But of course, if you’re faking an orgasm, you are signaling to your partner that he is doing everything right, when in fact he isn’t. On the other hand, vocalizing during sex can actually be a great tool to help women get what they want in bed, and might be one of the reasons why men scream less than women in bed. Women are learning to take responsibility for their own sexual needs and wants in the bedroom. Women understand that moaning is a turn-on for guys, and many women ultimately enjoy it because they’ve made an effort to push a little beyond what comes naturally.

There is also another very simple explanation to the question: women are noisy during sex because they can’t help it. Screams, sighs, moans, gurgles – they can just sort of come out. Well, we all know all manner of stuff just sort of comes out during sex – from liquids to “I Love Yous” – and nothing much should be made of it unless you have reason to suspect that the other person is faking it.

There might also be an answer that’s linked to human evolution.

Researches posit that by boosting the man’s self-esteem, he’ll be more likely to come back for seconds. Seconds might turn into thirds. The more sex, the more chances to aid in the continuation of our species. Over the millennia women have expertly harnessed their vocal chords and turned them into a type of superpower. Using fake sex sounds and scream should come with a cape and a leotard. With her voice, a woman can make a guy fall in love and/or ejaculate on command.

But sexual self-esteem and enjoyment is a two-way street, and, for their part during sex, guys should aim for more than a single scream at the end. It’s not about faking or doing something you don’t want to, but more about being sexually present and in sync with each other.