Why am I still single? My 5 excuses
Valentine's Day is back and I'm single again. But why am I still single? Here are my 5 reasons
It’s that time of year again. Yes, I’m single. The Christmas decorations are gone and the love hearts and roses have taken over. There is a section in every shop – and sometimes the whole shop – that is dedicated to Valentine’s Day, love and relationships. To be honest, I couldn’t care less about Valentine’s Day, February 14th is just that – February 14th. I’m all for celebrating love, but I don’t see the point in forcing it!
There are probably plenty of opinions about Valentine’s Day, so I’m not here to talk about that – you can read them if you want to get angry at consumerism and capitalism. This time I’m here to talk about my bachelorhood.
It’s coming up to the seventh anniversary of my bachelorhood and I’ve realised that represents a lot of years! I didn’t think it had been that long, just a year, then a couple of years, then a few years and now SEVEN YEARS. Not that I’m complaining, I’m actually a very happy single person, I’m just curious.
I broke up with my last serious boyfriend in May 2014 in a museum in Paris (romantic, right?). Don’t worry, I know he survived the heartbreak because he’s now married with kids (I found out on Facebook). Since May 2014, I haven’t had another serious boyfriend/partner.
Yes, I have dated people, slept with people, really liked a couple of people and yes, I have had my heart broken but nothing has lasted more than 2 months in the past 7 years, and I’m going to find out why.
I’ve thought about it and I’ve come up with 5 reasons why I’m still single….
Right after the breakup I was afraid of any kind of commitment. I was 19 and about to start university – I wanted to experience everything! But it wasn’t even as logical as that, I was really scared.
The first year after the breakup I dated a lot of people and the moment I felt it was going to get serious I ran away. Sometimes literally. After that scary year I calmed down a bit and felt more relaxed about meeting someone I wanted to commit to.
Although I still haven’t managed it, I’ve definitely put myself out there a lot more and allowed myself to be vulnerable. I guess I’m just scared of commitment now because I’m not used to it, and completely out of practice. How does a relationship work?
This is probably my worst trait when it comes to dating. I’m so unstable. I get bored easily. I need to be constantly entertained and surprised. I also fall in love with people very quickly and my emotions are (usually) monogamous, so when I start liking someone new, those feelings replace the ones I had for the person I was dating (sorry!).
I like the unpredictability and spontaneity of my love life. I go on a lot of first dates and if we just text each other several days later, I’ll get bored and move on. Sorry, I don’t connect with all the people I’ve fantasised about.
Oh, boy! I do have standards. One of the reasons I came out of my commitment-phobic stage was because I said I’d be happy to commit if the right person came along. And I’ve refused to settle for anything less than perfect.
My friend will tell you I have a “type” and if you look at a row of photos of all the people I’ve dated you’ll see they’re right. There’s just a certain look/style that appeals to me.
But that’s not enough: they have to be feminist, but I’d rather not have to talk about it; have to be ambitious; intellectual and intelligent; adventurous; they have to not take themselves too seriously; and they have to be a lot of other things.
And sometimes someone fits all these things but I’m not feeling it, you know? My friends have told me many times that I should give people more opportunities to get to know them, and while that’s a lovely idea and I probably should do that, I’m also very impatient and just want to move on to what’s next.
Being single for 6 years is a great way to get to know yourself. I have discovered so much about myself, my body and sexuality these past 7 years and it has been wonderful.
It’s been a very formative 7 years moving from my parents’ house to university and then finishing university and moving to Madrid. Lots of opportunities to discover who I am and what is important to me.
I also know how I like to spend my time which is working, seeing friends, doing leisure activities and travelling. I have my own life and the idea of bringing someone else into it and having to share my time, compromise and make sacrifices doesn’t sound so appealing to me.
I like to go to the cinema alone in the middle of the day and don’t tell anyone. If I had a boyfriend, they would be upset if I didn’t tell them I was going or if they wanted to see the film with me, which would mean we would have to arrange a time and place where we could both go, and in my opinion, isn’t worth it. It’s the cinema, you’re going to be sitting in the dark in silence for 2 hours anyway.
Despite all this I’m a complete softie. I have fantasies about grand gestures of love; of going across the world to be with someone because it’s romantic; of kissing someone passionately after having an argument with them. I’m definitely a victim of Disney love stories.
But then, to complicate things further, even though I fantasise about these things happening, when someone is really romantic with me in real life, I pretend to gag and vomit because I find those situations really uncomfortable!
So there you have it. You have correctly seen the inner workings of my head… or my heart. Maybe 2021 will be the year I find love…? But as you’ve seen, I don’t think the odds are in my favour. Are you single or in a relationship? How are you feeling about Valentine’s Day? Let me know in the comments.