Everyone has times when they feel a bit low or find it hard to believe in themselves. However, if this becomes a long-term situation, this can lead to problems, including mental health issues such as depression or anxiety.

Self-esteem is often the result of a lifetime of experiences, and particularly what happened to us as children. However, it is possible to improve it at any age.

Some people think of self-esteem as their inner voice, the voice that tells you whether you are good enough to do or achieve something. It is actually about how we value ourselves, and our perceptions about who we are and what we are capable of.

People with good confidence generally feel positive about themselves, and about life. This makes them much more resilient, and better able to cope with life’s ups and downs. Those with poor self-esteem, however, are often much more critical of themselves. They find it harder to bounce back from challenges and setbacks. This may lead them to avoid difficult situations.

That can, however, actually decrease their self-esteem still further, because they feel even worse about themselves as a result. A lack of confidence can therefore influence how people behave, not to mention what they achieve in their lives.

Here are some of ways in which you can improve your self-esteem

self-esteem

Identify and Challenge Your Negative Beliefs

The first step is to identify, and then challenge, your negative beliefs about yourself. Notice your thoughts about yourself. For example, you might find yourself thinking ‘I’m not clever enough to do that’ or ‘I have no friends’. When you do, look for evidence that contradicts those statements. Write down both statement and evidence, and keep looking back at it to remind yourself that your negative beliefs about yourself are not true.

Identify the Positive About Yourself

It is also a good idea to write down positive things about yourself, such as being good at a sport, or nice things that people have said about you. When you start to feel low, look back at these things, and remind yourself that there is plenty of good about you. In general, positive internal dialogue is a big part of improving your self-esteem.

If you catch yourself saying things like ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I’m a failure’, you can start to turn things around by saying ‘I can beat this’ and ‘I can become more confident by viewing myself in a more positive way’. To begin with you will catch yourself falling back into old negative habits, but with regular effort you can start to feel more positive and build your confidence as well.

Build Positive Relationships

You will probably find that there are certain people—and certain relationships—that make you feel better than others. If there are people who make you feel bad about yourself, try to avoid them. Build relationships with people who make you feel good about yourself and avoid the relationships that drag you down.

Give Yourself a Break

You don’t have to be perfect every hour of every day. You don’t even have to feel good about yourself all the time. Self-esteem varies from situation to situation, from day to day and hour to hour. Some people feel relaxed and positive with friends and colleagues, but uneasy and shy with strangers. Others may feel totally in command of themselves at work but struggle socially. Give yourself a break. We all have times when we feel a bit down or find it harder to maintain our self-belief. The key is not to be too hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself, and not too critical.

Become More Assertive and Learn to Say No

People with low self-esteem often find it hard to stand up for themselves or say no to others. This means that they may become over-burdened at home or at work, because they do not like to refuse anyone anything. However, this can increase stress, and make it even harder to manage. Developing your assertiveness can therefore help to improve it. Sometimes acting as if you believed in yourself can actually help to increase self-belief!

Improve Your Physical Health

It is much easier to feel good about ourselves when we are fit and healthy. However, people with low self-esteem often neglect themselves, because they do not feel that they ‘deserve’ to be looked after. Try taking more exercise, eating well, and getting enough sleep. It is also a good idea to make time to relax and to do something that you want to do, rather than something that someone else expects you to do. You may find that simple changes like this can make a huge difference to your overall outlook.

Take On Challenges

People with low self-belief often avoid challenging and difficult situations. One way to improve your self-esteem can actually be to take on a challenge. This doesn’t mean that you need to do everything yourself—part of the challenge might be to seek help when you need it—but be prepared to try something that you know will be difficult to achieve.