Unexpected feelings about sex are very normal right now

Sex is fun, feels great and brings you closer to your partner—and regular intimacy is also good for your mental and physical health. Making love can improve your heart function, lower your stress and anxiety levels, and reduce aches and so much more.

Whether it’s your first, second, or fifteenth time having sex, things you never expect can happen in the heat of the moment, and that might leave you with some questions. For example, there’s a chance you might get your period while doing the deed or maybe there are some unexpected body noises that feel like they need addressing.

Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with anything that your body does during sex, so there’s no reason for you to feel embarrassed. The truth is, it takes time for you to get comfortable with a partner, particularly when you’re trying something new. When moments you never expect happen, we have a way of “catastrophizing” these experiences, but you are your own author! Take charge of uncomfy situations, address the awkwardness, laugh it off, and get back into it.

Here are 5 things that you never expect on sex.

never expect

Orgasms not happening at the right time or ever

It is super common for you or your partner to orgasm too quickly, too late, or not at all — you are definitely not alone in this department. If you’re having sex with a guy, you might find yourself in a situation you never expect, where he loses his erection. If this happens, you should never take it too personally. There are many, many reasons why your partner might lose an arousal erection. You might be sensitive and think you’re not desirable or attractive, when actually, they might be exhausted or preoccupied. 

For girls, it’s often harder to orgasm with penetration alone. When it comes to giving and receiving pleasure, it’s important to think about what your intention is. If your intention is really about pleasuring and you’re consistent with that, there are a million different ways it can looks. This means that you don’t necessarily have to orgasm during sex in order for the experience to be successful. It’s all about working with your S.O. to figure out what you both enjoy and are happy with.

Listening to loud music makes sex way more frequent

You could never expect, but this study was done by Sonos and Apple Music, so feel free to cock your eyebrow in judgmental disbelief right off the bat, but the data was at least vetted by a neuroscientist who hopefully was a little impartial.

According to their data, people listening to music were having 67 percent more sex than people who weren’t. The reason deals with the actual physical response we have to music, meaning the dopamine and oxytocin that makes it pleasurable in the first place. These chemicals increase your feelings of closeness with others, and that’s super important, as it’s been shown that touch is perceived as even more sensual when music is playing.

Seafood is an aphrodisiac

Being a skeptic who cannot be fooled by society’s clumsy attempts at misinformation, you probably always thought that the story about oysters being an aphrodisiac was a load of malarkey. Researchers noted that Higher male and female seafood intake was associated with higher frequency of sexual intercourse and fecundity.

They think it’s because seafood leads to improvements in semen quality, menstrual cycle function … and embryo quality. It’s all those omega-3 fatty acids in seafood. It’s the sexiest and fattiest of all the acids. So the next time someone takes you on a date to an Oyster bar, they’re probably just trying to set the mood.

You Booze, you lose

Alcohol and sex have a complicated relationship: Surprisingly, while one or two drinks may put you both in the mood, drinking too much can inhibit a woman’s ability to reach orgasm, as for men, too many drinks can lead to erectile dysfunction or ejaculatory incompetence. When you’re buzzed, you both may get in bed with good intentions — but chances are that drunk-sex will be an experience that you never expect. For the best sex, stick with that two-drinks-max rule of thumb.

Faking it

We advise against “faking” anything during sex, but sometimes, it’s inevitable that you’re stuck in a situation where you accidentally pretended to be into something you’re not. If you’re not giving your partner accurate feedback, how will they possibly know what turns you on? The key to communicating what you like to your partner is to first learn and explore your own body.

Though you might feel like you’re bolstering your partner’s self-esteem, plus it’s actually a disservice to both of you. You want them to feel confident because they actually do know how to pleasure you. When and if you’re not pleasured, normalize that experience, too. It’s OK for you to take your time to have an orgasm, and not to mention, so normal.