Steps to female sexual confidence
This may come as a surprise for many, but female sexual confidence is not about being "good" in bed.
Female sexual confidence is not about having ripped abs or big boobs either. And it doesn’t come from having a lot of sex. While it can mean different things to different people, at its core female sexual confidence is feeling comfortable in your body, knowing you deserve pleasure and being able to articulate what you enjoy — as well as listening to the needs of your sexual partner.
While there are multiple reasons why we may lack female sexual confidence, many times it is something that just “comes and goes.” Before we even talk about sex, we need to find out how we feel about our body – so one of the key questions is: how do we feel more positive about our body?
In this article we will try to find out why female sexual confidence is important, how closely related it is to our body confidence and how to achieve it.
As humans, it’s natural to not feel confident in every single thing that we do in our lives. Between having imposter syndrome about work to being insecure about our bodies, it’s a constant struggle we go through more times than we’d like to admit. But if there’s one topic we don’t talk enough about amongst our friends or loved ones, it’s female sexual confidence.
As taboo as the topic of sex can be, it’s imperative to understand how female sexual confidence can affect our lives. Because before we even engage in the act, cultural, familial, and psychological factors influence our view and relationship with sex, whether we like it or not. This, in turn, can either prevent or allow us to have healthy sexual self-esteems once we do decide to do it.
Our physical body is the vehicle through which we express ourselves and receive pleasure, and having a poor relationship with it does us a huge disservice. It makes us afraid of being seen—physically and emotionally—which prevents us from forming deep relationships with others.
It makes us anxious and unable to relax during sex, which inhibits us from receiving pleasure. It disconnects us from our intuition and our truth, and being in tune with these is crucial for us to be able to live authentic, fulfilling lives. The good news is that you can heal your relationship with your body and feel extremely connected to it without having to change a damn thing about it.
This requires you to tap into memories, past experiences, and feelings when topics around sexuality come up. Then you need to learn to process them. Journaling about your personal experiences with sex (whether it’s about conversations you’ve had or sexual acts you’ve engaged in) can allow you to gain a 360-view of why you may not feel confident while having sex.
However, if doing this becomes too uncomfortable for you, that’s OK too. Instead of journaling on your own, it might be a good idea to connect with a professional to help you uncover where this lack of confidence is coming from. Some people may need support from therapist counselors or psychologists because oftentimes, the insecurities are stemming from past traumas, whether physical or otherwise, and that’s why professionals can help.
Being sexual has to be a decision for you. You won’t be authentically in it if you decide to be sexual because your boyfriend wants you to or your husband is begging you. You can make a choice to learn about your sexuality and have better sex if you choose to do so but please don’t let someone talk you into it because that’s what they want for you. You need to have a discussion with yourself about if you are ready to become more sexual.
The next step is learning how to masturbate and understanding the link between women who masturbate and having sexual confidence. Some of us were raised to believe and think that sex is dirty and girls aren’t supposed to touch themselves. As a grown woman, you should think about giving yourself permission to find pleasure and masturbate when you want. A good place to start is to order a vibrator online.
Performed with consistent effort, self-love rituals will make a huge difference in your relationship with your body and will help you gain confidence in all areas of your life. Here are some ideas:
Affirmations: Positive affirmations are a simple yet powerful way to trick our minds into thinking we’re fierce AF. Some examples are: “I am worthy no matter what I look like.” “I am beautiful inside and out.” “I am more than my body.” Find one that suits you and repeat it all the times!
Mirror work: The more you look at your body the more you will grow to love it. It will become normal and relaxed for you the more you do it, too. Whether naked or clothed, take some time to admire your physical form. Bonus points if you recite affirmations while you do it!
Gratitude/mindset change: Appreciating our body for what it is and can do allows for more love and less hating on it for what it isn’t or what it can’t do. What are you grateful for? The ability to move or to dance? The ability to see or hear beautiful things? When we learn to view our body as a miraculous, it’s difficult to hate.
Self-massage: Grab some coconut oil or lotion and slowly glide your hands over your body, paying extra attention to the parts of your body you dislike. Giving yourself this care and attention is like literally infusing love into your body, showing yourself that it’s worthy of attention, pleasure, love, and admiration.