There are several things that can lead to a breakup, and there are several post-breakup mistakes to avoid that people keep on making. These mistakes end up worsening an already complicated situation that usually results from a painful breakup. Ending a relationship is hard, especially when you are not the one who decided to end it. Anger often makes people do mistakes they wouldn’t normally do, which not only presents them in a bad light, but also prevents them from starting a new, happy relationship. Many of these mistakes are considered to be absolutely normal but in fact, they are exactly what makes us blame ourselves.

To help make your breakup as painless as possible,we have tried to pinpoint what mistakes people should definitely avoid doing after a breakup. Here’s what you should know.

Avoid these mistakes after a breakup

mistakes

Contacting your ex right after the breakup

This is one of the most occurring mistakes people make after a breakup. If possible, you should have at least a full 30 days of no contact with your ex post-breakup. By eliminating contact, it helps to put the breakup into perspective. Contact during a breakup usually leads to all sorts of difficult emotional feelings, which typically sets you back in the healing process.

If it’s not possible to completely break off all contact with your ex, for example if children are involved or you work together, you should try to limit your communication to the bare minimum.

Idealizing the relationship

When we lose someone we have strong feelings for, we tend to forget about all the awful stuff they did to us and romanticize the relationship we had with them instead. But the break-up came for a reason, and that this relationship was obviously not meant to be because if it were, it would have lasted.

So try not to become too desperate and needy. Chasing your ex away and begging him to come back to you will only be counterproductive. The only thing you’ll accomplish is making him even more distant.

Trying to “accidentally” meet your ex

Leave your ex alone. Don’t stalk them in real life or on the social media either. Checking out what the ex is up to will just prolong your pain. Besides, it’s not really your business to know what they’re doing. If you need help resisting temptation, a good way to keep your mind off it is to unfollow the ex on social media.

Top this off by installing one of those apps that prevent you from visiting a site at a certain time of the day. Avoid going back to the places where you used to meet. You’ll just end up missing your ex more than you should. And the worst part is that you might turn into a puddle of tears in public!

Believing you’ll never meet anyone better

During a break-up, this thought goes through most people’s minds at one point or another. Remind yourself that the relationship ended for a reason. Something about it wasn’t right, even if you feel your own behavior contributed heavily to the break-up. Something in the relationship probably wasn’t right and that led to your behavior.

Instead of thinking you won’t meet someone better, really define what you think a partner who is a good fit would look like. Knowing who you’re looking for helps you recognize when they show up and it can keep you from wasting time on people who aren’t a good fit.

Seeking closure

One of the biggest mistakes that people make after a breakup is that they seek ‘closure.’ Spending even one more moment discussing what happened and begging your person to take you back will backfire. If your person has broken up with you and you convince him to take you back, chances are it will all happen all over again, sooner or later.

Furthermore, prostrating yourself at the feet of your ex, begging him to give you one more chance, will only damage your self-esteem. The problem is not your lack of feelings, it’s your partner’s lack of feelings. These things will only make people feel guilty. As a result, the person will try to minimize the communication between the 2 of you and you will feel miserable.

Asking for your presents back

Some people are consumed by anger after breaking up. They feel used and they want compensation. After you do something like this, you won’t respect yourself anymore. And your partner will have a story to tell about how greedy and cheap you are.

Using a new relationship to distract yourself

Another way people avoid feeling their pain is by distracting themselves with dating, sex, or even a new serious relationship. It’s important to take some time to reflect on your previous relationship and the lessons you’ve learned from it before jumping into a new one.